Cheeky monkey
,
Thursday, 12th of August 2010 09:23:22 AM
Chapter 1
My name is Wyatt Retch, at least l think so. The
Cheeky monkey
place is downtown Manhattan. The year is 2033. This must have been the
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worst day in 500 years. There were twelve bomb carriers decorated with the
Joined: Monday, 31st of May 2010, 02:10:26
crescent moon. As the planes glided by, there was this green aura of gas
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coming from them. All l could hear was the dangerously loud yelling of the
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city alarm. l was currently at work, wishing l took that sick day. l was
sprinting to get home. If l could get home l would be able to lock myself
in the bomb shelter in my backyard. But it was too late. The green gas got
into my lungs. l gasped for breath. l instantly collapsed on the ground. On
the ground there was a sharp metal pole. l had fallen on top of it and it
sliced through my abdomen. Blood leaked out of my body by the quart. All l
could see was red. l was just waiting to die. Waiting to bleed out on the
sidewalk. Then everything went blurry and l could slightly see the shape
of two men run at me. Then everything just went blank.
l woke up
several hours later. l was in a dark room. l thought l was in Hell. But
why would l be in Hell? Then l guy in white came into the room. “Aw
finally you’re awake.”
“Where am l at?” l asked. />“Hello Wyatt, my name is Professor Gray. You can just call me Gray.
This is an underground hospital that my colleagues and l started when we
suspected this would happen a few years ago.”
“Wait one second,
how do you know my name? And how did you know this would happen?”/>“l know everything about you. You see, when l was playing around with
my custom made radio, l tuned into a Muslim extremist station. l quickly
grabbed my translation book. l believe it went something like ‘These
Americans must be destroyed! In the year 2033 we will release a toxic gas
in Manhattan and they will all die!’ So l gathered all the equipment l
would need and built this.” Then l looked at my stomach and it was like
there was nothing there to look at. “Gray, what happened to my
stomach?” l asked.
“Well… You see… That gas was not ordinary
gas. Most people would have died but a few ‘special’ people survived.
But it changed their body so dramatically that it changed them. Changed
you. It made you virtually invincible. *sigh* Look at your hands.” />l lifted my hands in front of my face. The sight that l saw almost made
me keel over. Right where my finger nails should have been there were
these long, black, sharp razor-like nails. “What are these things!?” l
went berserk and all of a sudden l felt all this adrenaline inside of me.
My arms, they grew at least six inches bigger and then my chest puffed up.
l felt the sudden urge to kill Gray. l slashed at his face. He fell down
backwards and quickly gabbed this big metal pole. l tried to slash again
but faster than l could imagine, he whacked me with the pole and this
surge of electricity traveled all through my body. l woke to see Gray
staring down at me. “Good morning Wyatt. I’m sorry if l gave you a
fright. It was necessary. You tried to attack me.”
“What happened
to me? l was … a beast. What was in that gas?”
Sorry, indents do
not work
NuNu
,
Friday, 13th of August 2010 01:24:43 AM
Already it is very cliched! All you're doing is telling; not
NuNu
showing. Instead of opening a story with ''My name is blahblah, this is
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where I live blahblah, this is the year blablahblah open it by showing
Joined: Tuesday, 15th of June 2010, 18:14:54
what is going on. It'd be better to start with the sentence ''There were
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twelve bomb carriers decorated with the crescent moon-'' and then add to
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it. make it more detailed and interesting! Good luck, though. You have
talent, you just need to hone your skills a bit and practice. :)